Teaching Tech: Winning Power Struggles

If you are in a power struggle with a student and lose, it weakens your position for future confrontations with that student.  If you win the struggle, the student may feel humiliated and/or resentful — which can weaken your position for future confrontations with that student.  Truly, the only way to win is to stay out of it. 

Some students easily engage their parents and other family members in arguments.  They often don’t argue to win; it is a form of recreation for them.  When they arrive at school, they can be amazingly skillful and eager to see what happens when they try out the grownups in their classrooms.

Here’s how a conversation might go down with an expert student arguer:

The Wrong Way

Teacher:  Time to clean up.  Everyone put away your supplies.

Gerard: (Does not put away anything.)

Teacher: Hey Gerard.  I announced it’s time to clean up.

Gerard: You didn’t say anything.

Teacher: Just a few minutes ago, I told you to clean up.

Gerard: No you didn’t.

Teacher: I did too.   If you don’t clean up, you are going to get a behavior slip.

Analysis of teacher behavior:

If the teacher has an established signal for clean up, a triple hand clap for example, the student can't very well claim he didn't hear it.

This signal works best when established prior to the start of the lesson and used throughout the school year.  If you know Gerard needs to test adults, prior to the signal you can ask him, “What are you going to do when you hear the signal?”

The teacher also lost points by repeating the directions.  It would be better to ask Gerard a question like, “What are you supposed to be doing?” or "Gerard, why are all your classmates cleaning up?"

The biggest mistake the teacher made here was responding to Gerard's assertion that he "didn't say anything".  As soon as the teacher responds to his misstatement, Gerard has won.  The teacher should have said something like, “Maybe I didn’t say anything, but you still need to clean up.”  Teachers should never argue with a student.  

The second biggest mistake was when the teacher boxed herself into a corner where she must give a punishment to Gerard.  Gerard has his honor to uphold and probably views himself as a person who should be punished.  Several other students are watching this exchange, so Gerard can't back down without social consequences.  No matter what happens, both the teacher and Gerard lose.

A Better Way

Teacher:  (Does echo clap.)  Who can tell me what that means? (Waits for nearly all hands to be raised.)  Suzie?

Suzie: It means clean up.

Teacher: That’s right!  Show me how we do clean up.

Gerard: (Does not clean up.)

Teacher: (Stands silently near Gerard and does not look at him.)

Gerard: (Still does not clean up.)

Teacher: (Apparently noticing Gerard for the first time.) Gerard? (sounding a bit surprised.) Hey sport.  What are you supposed to be doing?

Gerard: I don’t know.

Teacher: I’d find out if I were you, and get started.  (Teacher turns her back on Gerard and appears to pay attention to some students who are following directions.

Analysis of Teacher Behavior II

Wait time - it’s when a teacher pauses the entire class to compel students to notice that they are expected to respond.  Wait time is rarely used by rookie teachers.  By calling on a student to give directions, students who pay attention get a social reward: a correct oral answer in front of her peers.

Students are hard-wired to show off to the adults in their lives.  When the teacher says, show me, students can not help but try to follow directions.

When Gerard does not comply, the teacher first uses a non-verbal, proximity reminder to get Gerard's attention.  Non-verbal cues allow Gerard to comply without losing face with his peers.  The teacher could have put her finger on his desk or silently pointed to his mess.

The teacher feigned surprise that Gerard wasn't cleaning up to give him the impression that she has high expectations for him.  She is saying, You are the kind of person who likes to clean up promptly.  Students most often try to live up to teacher expectations.

This teacher knows Gerard has behavior problems and has approached him at times when no conflict issues are present.  They've discussed basketball and the teacher calls him Sport to remind Gerard that they share the basketball connection.  It's also a sign of affection that Gerard tolerates well.

The teacher does not tell Gerard what to do, but instead asks a question.  This is another management technique that few rookies do well: never repeat directions, instead ask questions.  Questions compel the student to think, not just react.

If you look at the last teacher behavior, she has not put Gerard in a spot where he loses face with his peers if he complies with her.  Turning her back on Gerard  was actually a brilliant move that gives him a bit of time to think and start his clean-up without appearing to lose a battle.

If Gerard still didn’t clean up, an effective teacher would give him some choices instead of boxing both the student and the teacher into a place neither want to be.  A conversation might go something like this:

Teacher: Well Gerard, it looks like you’ve decided to delay your clean up.  You have a choice between starting your clean up right now or coming in during break time to do it.  Now make a good choice. (Then the teacher would turn her back on Gerard and engage another student as if she fully expected Gerard to start his clean up.)

In truth, Gerard has dozens of choices, but the teacher has limited it to two.  One of these is much easier on both parties.  By telling Gerard he gets to choose, he still has a feeling of power.  If he makes the bad choice, the teacher can discuss with him that he lost his free time due to his own choices, not due to the “teacher being mean”.