Teacher Tech: The Bad Boy:What Say to Parents

Jeremy was bad.  He stole a pencil box from Margaret, broke it, refused to apologize and denied everything despite being caught in the act.  Furthermore, he started cussing at me when I confronted him with the evidence.

After I realized that I wasn’t getting anywhere with him, I called home. His dad answered.  I told Jeremy’s father what happened and asked him to have a talk with his angry son.

The following day, Jeremy came to school with facial bruising.  He told me he fell off his bike then started crying.  I think his dad hit him.  

Now who's bad?  His dad?  Or is it me?  After calling Child Services to report suspected abuse, they said they would put Jeremy on their watch list, but there was not enough information to pursue the matter any farther.

A week later, Jeremy stole and broke something from another student’s desk.  It was my second year of teaching, and I didn’t know what to do.  I didn't want to be the bad guy.

If I called home, Jeremy might get beaten.  If I didn’t, his parents would not be aware of problems Jeremy was having at school. 

I discussed it with Jeremy.  Without admitting his father abused him, he asked if I could call his mom at her work instead.  When I got his mother on the phone I explained to her that Jeremy was punished at a school and didn’t need any further disciplining.  What her son needed, I explained, was a chance to say his piece at home and then receive advice for future situations.  He needs to know that their family doesn’t approve of stealing, but that they love their son – not his actions.

It was a tough year for Jeremy.  His fragile family eventually broke up, and he moved away.  However, I learned that whenever I called a parent to report misbehavior, I would begin the call with an explanation that the child had already been punished, so the parents didn’t need to do any more.  I told them they were free to offer guidance to their wayward child.  It's not a perfect solution, but it's not bad.