Teacher Tech: Rookie Management Mistakes

Underestimating Teacher-Student Relationships

Alice had issues.  Although possessing plenty of book-smarts, she seemed to be missing any ability to empathize with others, and her dominant personality trait was a selfish impulsivity.  Her universe orbited around itself in an ever narrowing and destructive trajectory.  As a result, she had no friends, consistently irritated her peers, and found herself mired in a nearly relentless state of conflict with students and adults.

I dealt with Alice on the playground and decided I didn’t want her as a student when she got to the grade level I was teaching.  I wanted sweet, cheerful Julie: Alice’s opposite.

You can imagine how I felt when Alice appeared on my list the next fall.  Determined to have a good year with her, I decided to make her my special project.  I would try to form a professional bond with this dislikable person just like I would my emotionally healthy students.  Given how many behavior corrections I knew I would need to make, it seemed a daunting task.

Here was my plan for Alice:

     1.     Give her a cheery personal greeting each day.

     2.     Show an interest in her interests.

3.     Make sure I give her 5 positive comments for every behavior correction.

I had no idea how difficult this plan would turn out to be.  She whirled into the class the first day like a storm –making it one of the worst first-days-of-school I’ve ever had.  She put Julie into tears by telling her that those new shoes were ugly, upset one of my timid IEP boys by telling the class he was dumb and asked me why I looked so much fatter than she remembered.

I found out she loved pugs, a breed of dog I find annoying, and math, a topic I loved.   Each morning I would force myself to cheerfully greet her with a question about her dogs.  I put a special math puzzle on her desk each day.

It was a difficult year, but I found myself truly caring about Alice’s smile when she chattered about her dogs.  She sometimes would follow me on the playground discussing her problems with others and her dreams of being popular some day.  This gave me a chance to counsel Alice about how to make friends.   I had her model her social interactions after Julie.  Alice forced herself to smile more. 

Her mother dropped by class on the last day of school to tell me it was Alice’s best year ever: no suspensions and a birthday party invitation.  Maybe the smiles paid off.

I think the year turned out so well due to the relationship I was able to forge with Alice. 

Robert Marzano, a researcher of effective teaching, writes about how important teacher-student relationships are to a well-managed classroom.  His suggestions include these teacher behaviors:

  •  Talk informally with students before, during, and after class about their interests.

  •  Greet students outside of school—for instance, at extracurricular events or at the store.

  •  Single out a few students each day in the lunchroom and talk with them.

  •  Be aware of and comment on important events in students' lives, such as participation in sports, drama, or other extracurricular activities.

  •  Compliment students on important achievements in and outside of school.

  •  Meet students at the door as they come into class; greet each one by name.

Be sure to check an earlier blog post of mine for some additional ideas on establishing relationships.

If you have an Alice in your class, I suggest you come up with a plan that allows you to form a positive relationship with that student.

To form an effective relationship with a student, you don't need to be that child's friend.  You should maintain an appropriate professional aloofness, but still show special interest, even if it involves pugs.