Sarah was the kind of fifth grader who was irresistible to peers and teachers. She would brighten a room simply by entering it, and everybody wanted to be on her team, in her group, or somehow near her. Always a delight in the classroom, when I would say something like, “Take out your spellers,” she would joyfully announce how much she liked spelling.
Despite having an IQ only moderately above average, she went on to capture the number two slot behind her high school valedictorian. She received thousands of dollars in scholarships, made a big impression at her college, and is now a financial analyst with a prestigious firm in San Francisco.
Sarah is gifted with the kind of intelligence that can be much more important than I.Q. for future success. She has emotional intelligence. This means she is diligent, persevering, cheerful, empathetic, and able to draw friends, teachers, coaches and others to her. When she picks out a goal, she is able to focus her attention to it and delay gratification until that goal is achieved. Is she lucky? Absolutely, but fortunately for those of us who are not naturally like Sarah, emotional intelligence (EI) can be nurtured and learned. This is largely not true of IQ, which is hard-wired into our brains during the earliest months years of life.
There are several ways to help your child develop a strong EI. One is to encourage your child when he or she is acting emotionally intelligent. Catching your child “being good” and pointing this out can help a person develop a strong self-view. Some parents point out other family members who show strong EI and tell the child that he or she is like Aunt Grace in the same way.
Meanwhile, if you want an excellent book on the subject, read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. He often speaks directly to parents in this fascinating and readable book.
Sarah is one of several former students who still keep in touch with me. Few students will be able to develop their EI to the same degree as she, but all students will be able to have their EI raised with some effort.
I love this! It's so true. I feel like this is a child who is GT (Gifted/Talented) in EI has an advantage over a GT Math or reading. I also notice than (although not always), many times, GT kids have a higher EI than those who are not. Perhaps this is because they have always been commended for their intelligence and therefore have the confidence necessary for EI.
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